snow and what I realized about being thankful

First flakes fell yesterday. Welcome to the land of ice and snow. Of course our ride in this morning, you would have expected some lake effect snow falling as everyone had forgotten how to drive.  I can't blame them because we haven't gotten a decent snowfall in something like 2 years.

With the holidays fast approaching, we tend to lose focus on what is really important.

**disclaimer** I am not going to judge what someone else values as important or what someone feels grateful for. I do not judge what god/goddess you believe in. These are just my thoughts.

 

The holidays are always an exciting time of the year with family gatherings, new experiences for young ones and spending time with the ones you love. As Scrooge as this sounds- I have grown to dislike it more and more each year. I love my family but it seams that each year we are supposed to do more- give more- have more extravagant gifts and parties and yadda yadda.

 

I greatly dislike how distracted we've become as a society as to what is truly important. Each year we have to go bigger and better and more quantity. We trample each other in big box stores to get the last Furby or whatever the new it toy is. When our kids see the news later and see mom knocking out the neighbor down the street for the last toy- it sets the wrong precedent.

 

I was told recently that I have to start looking at what I have and figure out what it means to be grateful and reflect on what I do have. Its a hard fish to swallow my friends. Growing up, I can't remember a time when I really ever went without.  I have to hand it to my parents for that because we never went hungry, had clean clothes (some that I hated) and did whatever activities we wanted (cheerleading, dance, color guard, band... you get the picture). I didn't really know what it was like to go hungry or without until the last 6-10 years. Going to college and having to support myself really showed me I had no idea what I was doing. I spent more than I had or would make for a long time, got myself into nasty debt and 9 out of 10 times I would run out of money before grocery shopping.

 

I'm 33 now and raising a family of my own. Times got REALLY lean for us. Money has been tight (like really tight) for a while.  We have gone without to make sure Buggy has what he needs (clothing, stuff for school, a little something special every once in a while). We never went on a honeymoon and we rent an apartment (its crappy and I'll never say anything good about it other than it is a roof over our heads). I've gotten pretty angry over the last year because I would really love to have a house and a space for my husband to work on cars. A place where my son can run outside. I've been thinking a lot about what I want.

 

Shaking my head, I now realize, I'm selfish. We do have a lot. We have the crappy roof over our heads in a good school district (I refuse to move to the next biggest city for cheaper living expenses because the school are horrible there and the crime is ridiculous) so my son can receive his speech therapy and OT in a special preschool. We have a good, used car that gets us where we need to be. We have each other. As I write this, I tear up because I don't think I really think about this enough. My boys are all I have.  I'm not close to my family for a variety of reasons that won't be mentioned as its not pertinent, which make them even more special.

 

What I give to them each day has fallen short of what I would expect for myself. I have raved and yelled about wanting to be in a better place for us but not really seeing that we do have a lot right now.  The rest will come in time, it always does.

 

So today, I'm thankful for my boys and black tea. My Buggy has been sick ~ which causes long nights for mama ~ which calls for several cups of black tea in the morning.